9th Plate Appearance

Adam has eaten his favorite cookie - a Chewy Charlie - and is feeling much better. His step to the batter's box has the undeniable bounce of a boy's. What is this mind of man!

Adam faces another unfamiliar face, Perez, but Adam is feeling friendly. Instead of hitting 5 ding-a-longs at once, Adam settles for a walk.

Hello world! says the man-child's beaming face.

8th Plate Appearance

The residents of Cleavy-land have fled the stands. Nobody gives a shit.

Ozymandias has consoled the troubled Achilles. "Jus' heet dee ball, man." Says he, in a charming Spaniolo trill. Adam nods, steps into the batter's box, and lays Thunderhammerbat against his shoulder.

A slider. A changeup. A ball crushed to right field and caught by ... Choo? Choo? Choo? Where am I? WHERE AM I GODDAMMIT! Adam calls to heaven. He weeps.

7th Plate Appearance

existential crisis

"So", says big-butted Adam. "I have received a ball. Now I have received a strike." Does this mean? Does it change my life or others, or is it but a pebble in a flowing river of events?

While Adam contemplates, home plate umpire Fatty says "ball four" and our pained centerpiece shuffles to first.

6th Plate Appearance

Adam digs in for a long at bat. Yoiks! Not so!

He grounds out, but sends a black pixie to the plate - a Ribbie Dibbie. The Sox of Chicagoland congratulate our hero. Just smile and nod, Adam. Smile and fucking nod.

5th Plate Appearance

The sound and the fury, signifying nothing, has ebbed. Adam slept the night in a new home, in a new bed, with a new sexual liason. His mind is clear, his body primed. THUNDERHAMMERBAT is warm to this man-god's familiar touch.

A small man - Stumpy? - is at first. Adam dozes for a few pitches, then knocks a single to right.

The blood of the Norse surges through Adam's veins. BETTER TO HAVE DIED IN BATTLE, says he.

4th Plate Appearance

In Doctor Fausto's absence, Justin Germano climbs the honorable mound. Yea, he steps with honor to the cloud-darkened rubber, where once--

whoops! Adam swung at the first pitch and lobbed it to center field. The Indians defense barely makes the catch.

Ozymandias tells Adam he's through for the day. Some bozo will pinch-designated-hit the rest of this game.

Well, now, what could a blonde beast do with an empty dugout and no more at-bats?

FIE!

3rd Plate Appearance

A cloud is descending over Cleveland. Their hometown heroes are getting whip-wiped all over the place. Is this already another lost year? Are we to expect a cruel summer-winter of crystal-shattered hopes?

Adam looks on this and laughs his tushie off. What fools there be in Cleveland!

Look, o Adam, the Fates must deem this perdition just for the Clevelanders; heavy must be the debt they owe the gods; for lo! herenow the bases are JUICED.

Beckham, Pierre, and Mushroom Morel stand at the bases, pointed toward Adam as at an idol. Doctor Fausto, beset on all sides, groans under the weight of the cloud.

Whip-whap goes Adam's bat, and he knocks a double off the right field wall.

Begone, Doctor Fausto! Peradventure in the locker room you will rue whatever blight-besotted bargain you struck to curse your city so.