4th Plate Appearance

In Doctor Fausto's absence, Justin Germano climbs the honorable mound. Yea, he steps with honor to the cloud-darkened rubber, where once--

whoops! Adam swung at the first pitch and lobbed it to center field. The Indians defense barely makes the catch.

Ozymandias tells Adam he's through for the day. Some bozo will pinch-designated-hit the rest of this game.

Well, now, what could a blonde beast do with an empty dugout and no more at-bats?

FIE!

66th Plate Appearance

Ubaldo has departed Nationals Park, clutching a bushel of goose eggs to his chest. Franklin Morales shakes off a sense of deja vu as he comes to the field. Staked to a two-run lead, he'll face Adam first.

Adam charges up his left-hand batting glove with a few spits. The second pitch from Morales jams him. A jammed Adam Dunn can still lift the ball to the warning track. But a jam is a jam, and the snap of Carlos Gonzalez's glove confirms that this center-field shot closes the book on another 0-for-4 Dunnstravaganza.

Six miles away, past the nation's capitol, past the national mall, past the Ronald Reagan Building and International Trade Center, Little Zimmy lies in bed in a quiet room in Georgetown University Hospital. He watches Pudge ground out, Justin Maxwell push a pinch-hit single to the outfield, and Ian Desmond strike out to finish the day. He turns off the TV set and rolls over on his side to stare at the wall.

"Why is he so upset?" says one nurse to the other. "Surely he knows his hamstring will have healed by tomorrow."

The other nurse, as buxom as the first, shakes her head. "You'll never understand, will you?"

65th Plate Appearance

Ubaldo's still in charge, and he has deemed that the Nationals will score no runs today. The man is not known for mercy.

His fellow Ionians, sensing the weakness of grief in Washington's hero, employ the shift.

After a stinky sinky breaking ball, Adam fouls off a fast one, high into the air, toward the third base line seats. Plummeting from a great height, the ball strikes a beautiful woman in the shoulder. She cries out in pain.

Once again, sentiment has been banished. Adam, ensconced in his box, takes no notice.

He fouls off two more, and then Ubaldo feeds some cheese to the inside corner. Adam is returned to the mundane world. He backs out of the box and his great heart breaks.

61st Plate Appearance

Adam leads off in the fifth. Game tied 4-4. Enter big donkey.

The Rockies, flush with hubris, shift seemingly their entire team into right field in an attempt to stop the unstoppable object. He spits, and takes a breaking ball right down the middle. The count evened by a ball down and away. Final leatherball struck high and deep, but caught.

58th Plate Appearance

Bottom of the ninth. Nats down by six runs. Adam Dunn at bat. Every last one of the Five Hundred Faithful has remained in Nationals Park to witness this moment.

Sensing the gravity of the situation, manager Jim Tracy sends out Rockies closer Franklin Morales to face Adam. Adam chops the first pitch foul, just to show Morales what might happen.

Morales is shaken. His next pitch goes in the dirt.

Pitch three is fouled off, and pitch four Adam threatens with a checked swing. Watch your tushes, baseballs.

Pingpang! Adam uppercuts a pitch into the skies. Ryan Spillborghs fields the fly. Adam trots back to the dugout, and an elderly man in the front row studiously avoids eye contact. Another Dunnstravaganza is entered in the books.

56th Plate Appearance

Little Zimmy's Adam-prenticeship is in full bloom, for the Mighty RyRy has just taken a Dunn count payoff pitch and sent it on a perfect parabola into the Rockies bullpen.

Flushed with pedagogic pride, Adam takes his own mighty rip on the first pitch.

Thunderhammerbat sends it bouncing fast down the first base line, and the ball stuns Todd Helton. He can only barely manage to knock the ball to the ground, paw it with his now-thoroughly-numbed bare hand, and flip it to de La Rosa at the bag.

54th Plate Appearance

Bottom of the second, and Clean Plate Club member Adam Dunn is the leadoff batter. Jorge de la Rosa, pride of the Rockies, has sillified the Nats thus far tonight, whif-whaffing Nyjer Morgan and Cristian Guzman and inducing from Little Zimmy a wee trickle to shortstop.

de la Rosa tries a dance a little tease, first going outside and then down low. Of course Adam ain't interested.

Adam can sense where this is going, so he takes a big swing at the next low pitch. Got to keep in form, even if you sense a walk coming.

Sure enough, Adam's oracular intuition proves right. It's a five pitch walk. Titan Todd welcomes his equal back to their shared home.

49th Plate Appearance

Since Adam last saw home plate, the Nationals have scratched two more runs out of the Brewers, and Milwaukee has answered with one more. It's 11-7 as Adam gets one more chance to decimate the nine-PA baseless streak he has going in this series vs. the Brewers.

Little Zimmy has grounded out ahead of Adam to leave the bases empty. Adam's first pitch from Carlos Villanueva chips the inside corner for a strike. The second pitch finds its way down in the zone, and--did I just hear a peal of thunder?! Adam lifts a liner to center field.

Adam returns to his favorite base on the diamond, and exchanges a respectful nod with Fielder.

48th Plate Appearance

The Brewers started this game by scoring ten runs, the most they've ever recorded in a first inning, and more than they have in any inning over the past eight years. But, undaunted, and burning with the desire to honorably serve their polis, the Nationals have answered with five runs over the intervening innings. Little Zimmy starts the Washington half of the 7th by looking at a strikeout. It's a golden opportunity for Adam to lead the charge.

Adam jumps on the first pitch from Claudio Vargas, and it screams, a line drive down the first base line.

Fielder nimbly pivots and catches the liner on the fly.