In Doctor Fausto's absence, Justin Germano climbs the honorable mound. Yea, he steps with honor to the cloud-darkened rubber, where once--
whoops! Adam swung at the first pitch and lobbed it to center field. The Indians defense barely makes the catch.
Ozymandias tells Adam he's through for the day. Some bozo will pinch-designated-hit the rest of this game.
Well, now, what could a blonde beast do with an empty dugout and no more at-bats?
FIE!
Showing posts with label no outs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label no outs. Show all posts
Friday, April 1, 2011
3rd Plate Appearance
A cloud is descending over Cleveland. Their hometown heroes are getting whip-wiped all over the place. Is this already another lost year? Are we to expect a cruel summer-winter of crystal-shattered hopes?
Adam looks on this and laughs his tushie off. What fools there be in Cleveland!
Look, o Adam, the Fates must deem this perdition just for the Clevelanders; heavy must be the debt they owe the gods; for lo! herenow the bases are JUICED.
Beckham, Pierre, and Mushroom Morel stand at the bases, pointed toward Adam as at an idol. Doctor Fausto, beset on all sides, groans under the weight of the cloud.
Whip-whap goes Adam's bat, and he knocks a double off the right field wall.
Begone, Doctor Fausto! Peradventure in the locker room you will rue whatever blight-besotted bargain you struck to curse your city so.
Adam looks on this and laughs his tushie off. What fools there be in Cleveland!
Look, o Adam, the Fates must deem this perdition just for the Clevelanders; heavy must be the debt they owe the gods; for lo! herenow the bases are JUICED.
Beckham, Pierre, and Mushroom Morel stand at the bases, pointed toward Adam as at an idol. Doctor Fausto, beset on all sides, groans under the weight of the cloud.
Whip-whap goes Adam's bat, and he knocks a double off the right field wall.
Begone, Doctor Fausto! Peradventure in the locker room you will rue whatever blight-besotted bargain you struck to curse your city so.
2nd Plate Appearance
The dugout is like a cage to Adam. It itches at him; he feels it closing against his shoulders. He tries to watch the game, but can't keep from twitching any time a grounder goes toward first.
Ozymandias regards him with a pepper eye. "What, you got to pee or something?"
Adam shakes his head. He picks up his big-ass bat and strikes a pensive pose.
Soon it is time to warm up in the on-deck circle. Thick little Beckham dinks a single, and Thunderhammerbat crackles in Adam's hands. RBI HUNGER.
At first pitch from Doctor Fausto, Adam gives a big, deep, nasty whiff. "Like this!" he says to THB.
Fausto's scared. He dicks around the zone for a few. And then he floats a wussy little changeup down the middle. Are you kidding...
GOTTERDAMMERUNG!! Adam puts that ball in the trashcan beyond the right field fence. You want that souvenir you got to go GARBAGE DIGGING.
Handshakes all around in the dugout. Adam sits on the bench and the bleakness of idleness bums him out.
Ozymandias regards him with a pepper eye. "What, you got to pee or something?"
Adam shakes his head. He picks up his big-ass bat and strikes a pensive pose.
Soon it is time to warm up in the on-deck circle. Thick little Beckham dinks a single, and Thunderhammerbat crackles in Adam's hands. RBI HUNGER.
At first pitch from Doctor Fausto, Adam gives a big, deep, nasty whiff. "Like this!" he says to THB.
Fausto's scared. He dicks around the zone for a few. And then he floats a wussy little changeup down the middle. Are you kidding...
GOTTERDAMMERUNG!! Adam puts that ball in the trashcan beyond the right field fence. You want that souvenir you got to go GARBAGE DIGGING.
Handshakes all around in the dugout. Adam sits on the bench and the bleakness of idleness bums him out.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
66th Plate Appearance
Ubaldo has departed Nationals Park, clutching a bushel of goose eggs to his chest. Franklin Morales shakes off a sense of deja vu as he comes to the field. Staked to a two-run lead, he'll face Adam first.
Adam charges up his left-hand batting glove with a few spits. The second pitch from Morales jams him. A jammed Adam Dunn can still lift the ball to the warning track. But a jam is a jam, and the snap of Carlos Gonzalez's glove confirms that this center-field shot closes the book on another 0-for-4 Dunnstravaganza.
Six miles away, past the nation's capitol, past the national mall, past the Ronald Reagan Building and International Trade Center, Little Zimmy lies in bed in a quiet room in Georgetown University Hospital. He watches Pudge ground out, Justin Maxwell push a pinch-hit single to the outfield, and Ian Desmond strike out to finish the day. He turns off the TV set and rolls over on his side to stare at the wall.
"Why is he so upset?" says one nurse to the other. "Surely he knows his hamstring will have healed by tomorrow."
The other nurse, as buxom as the first, shakes her head. "You'll never understand, will you?"
Adam charges up his left-hand batting glove with a few spits. The second pitch from Morales jams him. A jammed Adam Dunn can still lift the ball to the warning track. But a jam is a jam, and the snap of Carlos Gonzalez's glove confirms that this center-field shot closes the book on another 0-for-4 Dunnstravaganza.
Six miles away, past the nation's capitol, past the national mall, past the Ronald Reagan Building and International Trade Center, Little Zimmy lies in bed in a quiet room in Georgetown University Hospital. He watches Pudge ground out, Justin Maxwell push a pinch-hit single to the outfield, and Ian Desmond strike out to finish the day. He turns off the TV set and rolls over on his side to stare at the wall.
"Why is he so upset?" says one nurse to the other. "Surely he knows his hamstring will have healed by tomorrow."
The other nurse, as buxom as the first, shakes her head. "You'll never understand, will you?"
65th Plate Appearance
Ubaldo's still in charge, and he has deemed that the Nationals will score no runs today. The man is not known for mercy.
His fellow Ionians, sensing the weakness of grief in Washington's hero, employ the shift.
After a stinky sinky breaking ball, Adam fouls off a fast one, high into the air, toward the third base line seats. Plummeting from a great height, the ball strikes a beautiful woman in the shoulder. She cries out in pain.
Once again, sentiment has been banished. Adam, ensconced in his box, takes no notice.
He fouls off two more, and then Ubaldo feeds some cheese to the inside corner. Adam is returned to the mundane world. He backs out of the box and his great heart breaks.
His fellow Ionians, sensing the weakness of grief in Washington's hero, employ the shift.
After a stinky sinky breaking ball, Adam fouls off a fast one, high into the air, toward the third base line seats. Plummeting from a great height, the ball strikes a beautiful woman in the shoulder. She cries out in pain.
Once again, sentiment has been banished. Adam, ensconced in his box, takes no notice.
He fouls off two more, and then Ubaldo feeds some cheese to the inside corner. Adam is returned to the mundane world. He backs out of the box and his great heart breaks.
61st Plate Appearance
Adam leads off in the fifth. Game tied 4-4. Enter big donkey.
The Rockies, flush with hubris, shift seemingly their entire team into right field in an attempt to stop the unstoppable object. He spits, and takes a breaking ball right down the middle. The count evened by a ball down and away. Final leatherball struck high and deep, but caught.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
58th Plate Appearance
Bottom of the ninth. Nats down by six runs. Adam Dunn at bat. Every last one of the Five Hundred Faithful has remained in Nationals Park to witness this moment.
Sensing the gravity of the situation, manager Jim Tracy sends out Rockies closer Franklin Morales to face Adam. Adam chops the first pitch foul, just to show Morales what might happen.
Morales is shaken. His next pitch goes in the dirt.
Pitch three is fouled off, and pitch four Adam threatens with a checked swing. Watch your tushes, baseballs.
Pingpang! Adam uppercuts a pitch into the skies. Ryan Spillborghs fields the fly. Adam trots back to the dugout, and an elderly man in the front row studiously avoids eye contact. Another Dunnstravaganza is entered in the books.
Sensing the gravity of the situation, manager Jim Tracy sends out Rockies closer Franklin Morales to face Adam. Adam chops the first pitch foul, just to show Morales what might happen.
Morales is shaken. His next pitch goes in the dirt.
Pitch three is fouled off, and pitch four Adam threatens with a checked swing. Watch your tushes, baseballs.
Pingpang! Adam uppercuts a pitch into the skies. Ryan Spillborghs fields the fly. Adam trots back to the dugout, and an elderly man in the front row studiously avoids eye contact. Another Dunnstravaganza is entered in the books.
54th Plate Appearance
Bottom of the second, and Clean Plate Club member Adam Dunn is the leadoff batter. Jorge de la Rosa, pride of the Rockies, has sillified the Nats thus far tonight, whif-whaffing Nyjer Morgan and Cristian Guzman and inducing from Little Zimmy a wee trickle to shortstop.
de la Rosa tries a dance a little tease, first going outside and then down low. Of course Adam ain't interested.
Adam can sense where this is going, so he takes a big swing at the next low pitch. Got to keep in form, even if you sense a walk coming.
Sure enough, Adam's oracular intuition proves right. It's a five pitch walk. Titan Todd welcomes his equal back to their shared home.
de la Rosa tries a dance a little tease, first going outside and then down low. Of course Adam ain't interested.
Adam can sense where this is going, so he takes a big swing at the next low pitch. Got to keep in form, even if you sense a walk coming.
Sure enough, Adam's oracular intuition proves right. It's a five pitch walk. Titan Todd welcomes his equal back to their shared home.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
47th Plate Appearance
It's the bottom of the fifth, Doug Davis is still on the mound, and the table is set for our hungry hero.
Little Zimmy has done his job right, slapping a two-RBI single to left to keep the inning outless and runners on first and second for Adam.
Adam watches another one of those slow looping curve balls go down the zone for a strike. The next pitch goes in the dirt, and Dunn hears a mighty growl from Thunderhammerbat. It's time to eat!
Adam's deep swing sends a grounder speeding toward first, so fast that it bounces off of Fielder's bare hand.
Fielder recovers, grabs the ball and reaches the bag mere steps ahead of Adam. Runners advance.
Little Zimmy has done his job right, slapping a two-RBI single to left to keep the inning outless and runners on first and second for Adam.
Adam watches another one of those slow looping curve balls go down the zone for a strike. The next pitch goes in the dirt, and Dunn hears a mighty growl from Thunderhammerbat. It's time to eat!
Adam's deep swing sends a grounder speeding toward first, so fast that it bounces off of Fielder's bare hand.
Fielder recovers, grabs the ball and reaches the bag mere steps ahead of Adam. Runners advance.
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