62nd Plate Appearance - In Which Tragedy Befalls Our Merry Band

A pall has fallen across the beltway.

Mothers, clutching infants to their ample bosoms, weep into kerchiefs and pull their hair. Men stand, blank and speechless.

Lil Zimmy, born September 28 1984, has pulled his hamstring and left the game

It is with a heavy heart and a pinch runner on second that our hero enters the batter's box. "This one's for my son, Ryan Zimmerman" he incants. Baseballs fly past the plate - balls? strikes? Adam shakes off his grief. It's time to fuck some baseballs in their asses.

Adam lifts a towering fly ball to center; a home run if ever there was one. But alack! - the bitter gods usher a zephyr to Nationals Park, pushing the ball back to earth and the fielder's glove.